It’s the night before surgery and lots pf people are asking: “How do
you feel?”
Truth be told, I feel reasonably relaxed. I’m finding that every few
minutes my thoughts change.
At the moment, I’m thinking about my family and wondering how I can
express my love and gratitude for their support. I’ve never been particularly
good at words and I’ve never openly thanked them verbally for all they continue
to do for me. Maybe it’s just the way I’m put together. For some reason the
words just won’t come. I remember at my daughter’s wedding – I walked her down
the aisle and presented her to her future husband. All the way along that walk
I was practicing what I wanted to say, not only to Adam, but, to my daughter as well.
In the moment, I froze and stood there trying to get the words out, but I knew
that if I opened my mouth, my emotions would just take over and I’d end up a blubbering
mess, so I didn’t say anything. I’ve always regretted that.
Now again, I’m in a situation where I should be trying to express my thanks
and gratitude to my family, because I think their pathway through this
situation has been, as difficult, if not more so, than mine, and I think again,
I haven’t helped to ease their concerns as much as I should. Maybe (hopefully) being
able to read this will help them to understand how important and essential they
are to me.
Without them, I would be nothing.
I know!!! When I started this blog, I said I was going to be better at
replying to your comments. Well, that’s a fail. Thank you to all my friends,
for your kind wishes, your love and support, your stories and your jokes. I’ve
actually read them all, but I seem to continually be able to find excuses not
to reply. I know it’s not good enough and I apologise. But be assured, they do
mean a lot to me and I really, really hope you keep them coming. Maybe I’ll be
able to make up for it during recovery, but this time, no promises.
Now this is what I mean about changing thoughts!!
The nurse has just been in and asked me how I’m feeling. I said I’m
fine – apart from a slight headache – which is the truth. She then asked me how
I was feeling about tomorrow? I told her: “I’m quite relaxed. After all, I’m
going to be asleep. I won’t care what happens.” Which is also the truth.
I guess when I wake up in a couple of days I probably won’t be as blasé
about how I feel but, my thinking at the moment is: “Whatever will be will be”.
(Was that Doris Day?) It’s funny how some words stick in your mind. When I was
talking to one of the ORL Nurses some time ago, she asked me how I felt. After
I told her, she said to me that my attitude was the correct one to be taking
into surgery. She went on to say that patients who have the best recovery are
those that accept that the professionals they are dealing with know best. There
will be bad days and good days during the recovery period and the thing that
makes the bad days a little easier is believing that the medical staff know what
they’re doing.
….. Looking forward to it!!
I’m gonna stop this now. I think I’ll watch Carrie Pilby. It’s a
movie I quite like and hopefully it’ll be a good distraction. Heading off to
make a cuppa first.
….. Bye for now.
Well I sure hope the professionals you will be dealing with from here on in know better than the ones who have been messing you around for the last few weeks! I swear if I see one more "professional" ask YOU what they are meant to be doing I will lose my mind!
ReplyDeleteFor the record I can still perfectly remember both walking down the aisle with you and what happened when we got to the end- you may not have bern able to get any words out but I'm certain Adam understood the message regardless- the way you two stood with your hands clenched together as you shook hands, staring at each other, both with tears in your eyes, both unable to say anything, both giving each other a slight nod before you let go of each other's hands. You have nothing to regret... we may not have heard the words but we felt them.
The words of our father daughter song that night included... "You're my hero... you didn't have to say a word, your love was the message that I heard"
But you know what I do the exact same thing... practice things over and over in my head then I cant spit them out. This year I have been trying to say what I want to say even when it is uncomfortable and hard- you've inspired me to try harder... the more uncomfortable it is the quicker I am going to spit it out.
We love you Dad. So much.
See you when you wake up! And yes trust the professionals but please also stand up for and advocate for yourself because only you actually know what you are feeling.
Love love love you xoxoxox
Thanks for sharing UC. So much love for you and your amazing family. We have been getting updates (& photos!) which is so appreciated. I hope you enjoyed the movie - and get a few more while you’re at it. G xoxo
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